A FATHER'S PRAYER

A FATHER'S PRAYER

3 years ago... I wrote a short message imparting my experience as a Father By Chance... now I write on the same note with a different question in mind...

Am I the Father that I wish I am?

Alyanna my eldest is now 14 and Alfel John is now 9, they are all grown and definitely more vocal with their thoughts... Their question no longer linger on the what and what if's... They now shifted to why and why nots'?

My answers are no longer confined to pretty images for the kids to conjure during their dream time but to the because and technical diplomacy explaining with chosen words the definition of Reality. 

The daily grind...from television and internet censorship, to house chores and why they need to participate in it, to school assignments that I myself have forgotten after mastering it during my elementary and secondary years. To crushes that crashes a father's indignation. From too much to enough and yet still melting when their eyes drop down conjuring tears that can drip down anytime as if emotionally blackmailing my ever so vulnerable heart.

I dream of this day when I no longer use baby talk to them but I miss those days when the no nonsense makes sense like the kuchi-kutchi coo... com ta dada.... mumu  and hala lagot were part of daily dilly dally chatter.

Now it makes sense that the nonsense was more fun and bonding was not limited to talking but by hugs and kisses without the embarrassing discomfort of hitting your young girl and boy in their uuhh uncomfortable areas.

How can I continue to be the father that I wish I can be to them when they have already find private places in their corners with their gadgets between us?

How can I still penetrate their sanctuaries when they have chosen friends to share their secrets with?

How can I take their mind off their activities when I can no longer participate in their seemingly tedious flare for games & athletics?

Well ... I try hard ... I listen to their music secretly despising it probably the same way my folks felt back then. I learn their language and use lol, xoxo, & w8  while my mom probably hated my oks and pards in the 70's and became tecki using IPods,  tablets, netbooks etc...etc.. . just to be updated in their comfort zones. 

But still I wonder ,,, Am I doing a good job? Am I doing the right job? Am I what I wish to be?

Ahhh... today is Father's Day and today I have a prayer and a wish at the same time...

I cannot guarantee that I am a better father than my own dad but I wish that I can be the FATHER THAT MY KIDS WANT ME TO BE and not the father that I want to be  for my kids!